The words you hold back...
The words you hold back...
After I gave birth to my daughter, I started journaling. It started out as a log, keeping track of her sleep cycle, her poops and everything else a first time mom would obsess over. As my daughter grew that log turned into journal entries about her milestones, our growth and bond and eventually a key part of self-reflection as a means of working through tough times. Some days I wrote a poem or drew a doodle, others a lesson learned from a horrible date.
I often find poems in the back pages of books I’ve read, rediscovering them only when I decide to reread these books. Many take me by surprise, it’s almost like a gift.
I’ve gathered these poems, sentences and notes in this section. This page is an extension of my journals and creativity.
Write every day, until you are comfortable hearing your own voice.
Being vulnerable means giving up control. I don’t want to give up control.
There is a feeling of being lost, constantly. Like I don’t know where I’m supposed to be so I prefer to be nowhere and out of sight. I’m convinced that I am not living life the way it is supposed to be lived and don’t know how to resolve it.
-1.5.24
I hate it when you have so much to do you do nothing. — 1.18.24
A reminder that life is a work of art. A piece that slowly gets color color from our efforts and timing.
— 1.16.24
Live in the moment. Be loud. Invite people in and take people in. Give chances. Admire and compliment.
— 1.16.24
Thoughts with no bounds…
Everyone wants you on their own terms.
—3.3.24
Quick to judge, no grace, assumptions made and never satisfied. People are harsh.
A quote I took from a recent TEDtalk, I think it was by Chris Anderson,
“If you embark on the journey of generosity; two companions will join you along the way. Meaning and happiness.”
Sometimes the only way to manage a humbling experience is to be kinder to those around you. You didn’t deserve the emotional attack and those you love don’t deserve the consequence of someone else’s doing.
Love thy neighbor
Love thy neighbor
carry their seed
raise the bastard
bury the need
break the bond
enrich thy life
bury a friend
and don’t become the wife.
— 10.4.2019
(Spur of the moment play on words, an urge to write; there is absolutely no personal connection, perhaps subliminal but not intentional.)
Everything is temporary, so why let anything hurt you for longer then it needs to.
— 2019
Swift is the moment, an interim…but so is sadness.
— 10.4.2019
One day we wake up only to never wake up again, and that feels like the biggest betrayal.
— 4.13.21
Never say never is the truest saying of all, we will never be who we are today and what you once said no to becomes the only yes.
— 2019
Build a life, don’t just get one.
— 2019
I will turn into dust and cover the world with blessings.
I will become grains of sand and guide your feet to the water.
I will become rays of sunshine and kiss your face.
I will be your mother and keep your heart full.
— 5.26.18
Letting the pen lead the way, what wonders will we convey
Beautiful lines, thick and thin
Express what we have within
Swiftly carried like a breeze
abruptly crashing like a sneeze
mending and hurting,
wanting and ignoring,
helping and cursing.
Something left better unsaid only to be said instead.
— 6.20.21
Don’t pass along your lack to live; this life is too short. I don’t need your saddness.
5.18.21
Head in the clouds
A single ray of light leads the way
A thousand colors
And you’re the only color I see
I’m smitten, smitten with me
— Self-love 11.12.19
Obsessed with lines, fine lines
they are the start of everything and continue long after we’re gone
Leading the way, meandering nevertheless toward an unknown destination that somehow was the goal all along.
— 1.24.20
If I had my way, I’d lay in bed with you a little longer.
Absorb the affection I had no idea my body was craving
I’ve never felt or experienced something like you
You’re what I imagined this could be
If my interactions weren’t sullied by forced interactions
As good as you are, how bad can you be?
Can you accept my love?
Can you be vulnerable for me?
Give me the benefit of the doubt I so easily granted you.
Can you trust your intuition? For me? For you? For what could be?
I so badly want to give you a safe space.
Hold you by my heart and serenade you to peace.
— 4.8.23
Still deeper the grief sinks, denying any proof. Smothering what all know. A sunny day will shine while the thunder roars.
— 5.10.17
I cut out the mass growing in my heart.
Today I am free of the pain you caused and the negativity you provoked.
Emotional abuse that carried the title husband.
2.23.17
The imagined reality exerts force in the world.
1.31.22
The first words I said to you as you were pulled from my womb and put into my arms were “I’m sorry”
I was sorry for the discomfort you endured
For making you wait to experience your world in free unconfined movement.
—5.11.19
The wind seeks a resting place, swiftly moving, softly weaving.
Tragically crashing crashing, disappearing to become nothing.
The chill that remains after its sudden touch, that to shall pass.
— 5.10.17